Archive | May, 2012

10 ways to Attract the Love you want

30 May

Since, moving to Atlanta I have heard multiple times that there  just aren’t any good single available black men to date. When I challenge this statement I am often told  “It’s hard for an educated financial stable sista to find a decent prospect.” Well I am here to announce that this statement simply isn’t true. Yes, I have heard all the statistics. I know all about the sociological issues that affect African-American men.  But I am still not convinced that black single women are doomed or have to start kicking it with a female to survive. I also know that desperation has a scent! Men can smell it a mile away. We attract into our lives what we radiate from our core.  So here it is ladies  my tips on how to land your next or first husband:

1. Be who you say that you want to meet. Get in touch with your spirituality and understand who you are and what you bring to the table.  Ex. If you want a fit mate then get fit! If you want someone who values God then serve God. If you want someone who travels then travel.  Don’t have higher expectations for your potential mate then you have for yourself.  Devote time to get to know yourself. What are your likes, interest and goals? Who are you when the lights go out and no one is at home. Are you a homebody or are you spontaneous?

2. What are you saying to yourself? Do you affirm your thoughts of finding a new love with statements such as : “There are more than enough available loving men for me to choose from.” Or do you say” There just aren’t any good men left.”  As a child my grandmother would always tell me ” Melisa focus on your education because there will always be a man”. Then she would say ” A man is like a bus one comes along every 5 minutes”.  Funny thing is that has always stuck with me. I have never felt stuck in a relationship because I know I can always have love if I choose.  Grandma was so wise!

3. Stop traveling in packs- Yes really… You can do something on your own.
Start to enjoy yourself by yourself. Yes….Learn to love your own company. Take yourself out to dinner, a play or  a spa retreat.

4. After you discover who you are and what you like. Now go out and do some of the stuff that you haven’t done in years. Go skiing, travel or simply enjoy a good novel. Join an association or club that speaks to your interest.  You will be surprised at who you meet. By the way the good men are usually not in a night club.

5.  Be open to love in what ever shade it comes in. After your trip on self discovery lane you may discover that love is more about mutual satisfaction rather than some arbitrary list you have. Relationships are work and you have to be ready to invest in yourself so you can bring your “A” game.

6. Learn to flirt. Learn the art of smiling and simply having a conversation with the opposite sex. It is  amazing to me that so many women do not even know how to talk to a man let alone land a new one. Or if a man simply says ” Good Morning” they take that to mean more than what it is. Relax and learn the art of conversation.

7. Touch yourself regularly. No not like that! Get massages and give hugs to others. When you receive regular touches you won’t be so quick to go for anyone one that gives you affection. Loving yourself will allow you to know what real intimacy looks like.

8.  Recognize what true love looks and feels like. Hang around happily married folks. Watch programming that reflects positive relationships. I have seen so many woman continue their patterns of abuse with new lovers. So stop! Listen! and Reflect. Let go of the baggage of old relationships. Read some self help books if you need to ,but let the pass go.

9. Don’t lower your standards in hope of finding joy or peace. You might find temporary happiness with a married or emotional unavailable man but soon you will have heartache. So stop and think about the consequences of your actions before you proceed. Ask yourself ” How will this affect me in the long term? Is this what I want to model to my children? ”

10. Finally, don’t be afraid to try something new. When you have joy, peace and confidence in yourself  you will draw potential mates with the same qualities. So don’t be concern at what color the package comes in. Just be concerned that it showed up on time and has everything that you desired inside of it. Dating outside of your race is not a crime. In fact, having this option will ensure that many more sistas gain the love and respect that they deserve.

Feel free to let me know how these tips have rescued your love life. I believe in you and I know God has a beautiful wonderful plan for you.

Best wishes,
Melisa Alaba
“The Vision Coach”

Do you like this article and want to reprint or share? You can, as long as you include this in its entirety: Melisa Alaba is a Life Coach and Counselor. Melisa founded Vision Works Counseling and Coaching to empower and inspire you to live your best life. Melisa helps her clients to discover their vision and purpose for life by providing holistic and traditional coaching methods. Melisa specializing in helping her clients; heal from brokenness, find balance in their personal or work life, improve your family life, revive a dream or to let go of past issues.


10 Steps to Recession Proof your Mind

29 May

The recession took many Americans by surprise. Before the recession, Americans were accustomed to “Big” living. We were living the American dream plenty of jobs, nice homes, big trucks and luxury vacations. Not to mention daily doses of Starbucks and dining out with friends. Many of us had an abundant mentality. We imagined life would always be this way so when the recession struck folks were taken for a loop. We witnessed or experienced job loss, loss of self-esteem, extremely high stress levels and anxiety over our daily living. In essence we were shocked into our new reality. Life in America had changed. Now that the recession is over many of these symptoms remain. So here are a few tips to recover from what you have experienced in the last five years.

 1. Recognize – Your new feelings of fear, anxiety and stress derive from feeling out of control of your situation. Then write down exactly what you feel and how this experience has changed you. You may notice that not only have you changed your spending habits but you have also increased the amount of negative self-talk and outward conversations that you engage in. 

 2. Be thankful – God has brought you through. Look at all the blessings that have come out of learning to live on less. You may have lost your job but maybe you gained time with your children and family. Be grateful for the people that helped you through this time and the lessons learned that you will carry into your future. Maybe you learned how to explore the city while on a budget, or perhaps you discovered how useful and fun the local library can be.

 3. Release – The pain, anger, fear and anxiety of the past. Acknowledge your feelings with an understanding that they are valid. You just went through a hurricane. You lost stuff that you loved. As this was taking place you were forced to maintain a sense of normalcy while putting the pieces together for yourself and your family. Now release those negative feelings. Give them back to God and the earth. Because you no longer need them. You have overcome.

 4. Rebuild – Now it’s time to build you up again. Meditating daily on positive sayings and scripture will assist you in shifting your thoughts. Repeat to yourself daily” I have more than enough” and “I give to the needy”. It’s important to reprogram your thinking. Catch yourself when you say things like “Well, I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul” or “You take one step forward and you get knocked back two steps.” When you are inclined to recite a negative thought replace it with a new mantra. Eventually, you will notice a shift in your living and thoughts. This step takes time because you are working to replace old thought patterns. Naturally they will want to persist but trust me daily affirmations and mediation works. Make time to apply this step daily. Soon you too will notice a shift in your life. 

 5. Give – Abundant people give to others. You can give of your time, talent or items that you are not currently using. Giving releases you from the stronghold of the “not enough” mentality. Notice around you that givers always have more than enough. Reaping and sowing is a biblical universal law that works. So put it to practice in your life. Now don’t misinterpret my feelings on giving. I believe saving is important; in fact it’s vital for your future. But giving is equally as important because it says to God and the universe I trust you and I know you will give me back more than I can every give you. It frees your mind up to trust a process that can only be sum up with this scripture: Luke 6:38 -Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” give and it will be given back to you. Given pressed down and shaken. 

6. Relax – The biggest lesson that the recession taught us all is that Americans work harder than any other group in the world. We move faster, sleep less and eat more. Basically, we over load our body with stress on a regular basis. Before the recession we did this in an effort to keep up with the Jones. Well, the Jones’ are broke and tired. Now is the perfect time to get accustomed to taking care of our bodies, minds and enjoying life. So once you land that new job or your business takes off again, resist the urge to splurge on things that will not bring you peace or joy. Rather continue to enjoy all the things you had learned to appreciate during the recession such as nature, quality time with family, quiet time and peace. Continue to save your money and keep a “Peace of Mind” fund. Stuff happens but being prepared will reduce your stress levels. 

 7. Spirituality – Stay centered on God and the love he has for you. He loves you despite your flaws and imperfection. Begin to enjoy quiet time with him in the morning and evening. Take time to meditate on his word. For some you may hold some anger against God. You may believe that he doesn’t love you because if he did you would not have gone through this mess in the first place. But know that God gives us freewill. Many of us made a lot of bad choices that lead to you having a greater fall. And even if it was not your fault. God is still in control and he promises that your end will be better than your beginning. So take heart and learn what the word of God says about your life. You will be surprised at the messages he is trying to get to you. 

 8. Vision – Create a new vision for your life. You were hit hard and maybe you are still recovering and not sure what is next. Take some time to write down the vision that God has instilled in you. Your hopes and dreams will come to pass. Get a clear visual of what those dreams are. Build new support groups around you that support your dreams. Decrease your involvement with people that fight the changes that are important for you to accomplish your goals. 

 9. Communicate – Discuss the lessons you have learned with your children. Help them to recognize how you are coping. Explain to them in way that makes sense. Help them to understand that you all still have a bright future. Teach them to value time and not material things. Help them to learn money management and entrepreneur skills. Learning to create their own wealth at a young age will recession proof their minds for the future. 

 10. Balance – You may have a new job or a business venture that has taken off, but are you reliving old patterns? If you find yourself performing tasks because you think the opportunity will not come again. Recognize this is fear and anxiety. Repeat step one, two and three and remember to maintain balance. Exercise, eat healthy and take time to pray and meditate daily, because you can’t be replaced. Do not go back to the overwork zone. This was unhealthy before the recession and it is unhealthy today. Choosing peace and joy is a life style. Everyday  take steps toward finding and keeping balance in your life.

 The recession has caused all of us to take pause and to reassess our lives. We all were affected in some way. Take time to fully recover so that you may live the full life that God promised. Remember the lessons but move forward with courage and conviction for your future because the best is yet to come!

If this message has helped you please pass it on to someone else who can use an encouraging word.

Wishing you Peace and Joy,
Melisa Alaba

Do you like this article and want to reprint or share? You can, as long as you include this in its entirety: Melisa Alaba is a Life Coach and Counselor. Melisa founded Vision Works Counseling and Coaching to empower and inspire you to live your best life. Melisa helps her clients to discover their vision and purpose for life by providing holistic and traditional coaching methods. Melisa specializing in helping her clients; heal from brokenness, find balance in their personal or work life, improve your family life, revive a dream or to let go of past issues.

Finding Your Passion and Making Bank in the Process!

6 May
Do you know that you can actually earn from the results of your hard work in finding your passion? And that is not the only goal that you will likely get in the process. If you feel like you are stuck in your current job, you have to rethink your life and where you are taking it. You are the driver of your own vehicle and you decide where you will go. But you are only human so you must be open for mistakes and other challenges that life may bring along your journey.
Living to earn is very different from earning a living. With the latter, you can be more adventurous. Life can be more fun, especially when you are pursuing the things that you really like and earning money in the process. This is the reason why people who have chosen an unlikely route just so they can earn good amount of cash will likely feel the downside of their decision at some point on their lives.

Comfort Zone

Are you at a place where you feel like you are already too comfortable? This is not really a good thing. If you have been working the same job, which was not what you really wanted to do deep in your heart, over time you have been able to embrace mediocrity. You have learned how to work your way through the job where you won’t get into any trouble. You get your job done by repeating the same tasks over and over again every day. This set up may be giving you enough money to live by. But are your living the life that you really wanted to attain? If not, then maybe it is time to get out of your comfort zone.
You have to take risks in order to know your capabilities. You must not be afraid to fail because that is part of the whole ballgame. You just have to learn from your own mistakes.

Earning from Your Passion

If you really love what you are doing, you will eventually excel in it. You can even pursue your passion as a side project aside from your real job. This is ideal for people who are afraid to lose their main source of income. Your passion can actually bring in more cash if you will be able to utilize them well to your advantage. For example, you are good in writing or painting. You only have to use your talents, hone them and soon enough, you will surprise everyone that your passion has led you to more profitable source of income.
If you will open yourself to these kinds of possibilities, there will come a time when you can comfortably choose your passion and drop the job that you don’t really like and earn as much as well. This is a very ideal situation because when you love what you are doing, it will show in the quality of work that you are producing. It will also reflect on how you live your life and your attitude towards anything that you may encounter as you go through it.


But wait a minute! Setting the right goals and finding your passion may not be as easy as it seems to be. You really have to think hard about it so that you can be led to the right course. Working with a professional Life Coach or Counselor will assist you in preparing for new venture. Be wise and receive good counsel so that you can have a solid foundation for your transition.

Best wishes,

Melisa Alaba
“The Vision Coach”

Do you like this article and want to reprint or share?
You can, as long as you include this in its entirety: Melisa Alaba is a Life Coach and Counselor. Melisa founded Vision Works Counseling and Coaching to empower and inspire you to live your best life. Melisa helps her clients to discover their vision and purpose for life by providing holistic and traditional coaching methods. Melisa specializing in helping  clients; heal from brokenness, find balance in their personal and work life, restore relationships, revive dreams and let go of past issues.

13 ways to find Balance in a Busy World

1 May

I am often asked “ How do I find balance? How can I relax? Or “ I can’t seem to shut my mind down”. My clients often state that they try to meditate but they can’t seem to keep their mind from wondering because the business of the day , week or month takes over. They continue to see their never ending to do list running through their heads. Working one on one with my clients allows me to tailor my advice to their specific situations but here are a few things you can do to slow things down and gain the proper prospective on everyday issues.

  • Take a media break for a week. Yes literally, No TV, E-mail, Facebook! For a week unless it’s work related. Set a specific time to check e-mail or other social media each day and stick to it.
  • Don’t take phone calls early in the day or after 6pm 
  • Re frame from watching the news before going to bed 
  • Take a quiet walk in the morning while you meditate 
  • Meditate and Pray before you go to sleep 
  • Limit interactions with Drama Queens and Kings 
  • Create a relaxation tape • Practice deep breathing and visualization exercises 
  • Keep a short daily to-do list 
  • Repeat daily affirmations or scriptures
  • Take time daily to observe nature 
  • Laugh out loud daily
  • Practice Yoga 

 I believe that God wants us all to have a blessed, prosperous and peaceful life. I sincerely hope that these suggestions help you to live a balanced spirit filled life. You have the ability to change your focus and intent at anytime. May God bless and keep you.

 Melisa Alaba
 “ The Vision Coach”

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